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Things proceed apace. After a rather difficult morning, I came out of Japanese and discovered a voicemail message from my potential employer. He apologized for missing the meeting yesterday, saying that he had neglected to write it down in his schedule. I'm not quite sure how I feel about that, even now. Anyway, long story short, we've rescheduled for one-fifteen tomorrow afternoon. I made sure that I double-verified the time and location in my response. Thanks to all of you who commented on my last series of posts. Your support is very much appreciated.
I think the part of this whole business that's made me the angriest is that, even after the guy stood me up (and was very flippant about his apology via voicemail message), I am still expected to kowtow to him. Because he has something that I want. I must, in the words of my father, "beg and scrape," because this particular individual has the potential to keep me gainfully employed for the next year. That does not sit right with me. Not the gainful employment part -- I quite like that -- but the fact that I have to swallow my hurt and disappointment and go to this guy again, like I owe him something, like I'm the culpable one -- it makes me sick to my stomach. That's tonight. Tomorrow, I might be singing a different tune. It's just that, it goes against every fiber of my being to be told that I have to lie down like this. Like the morality of the situation doesn't matter, just as long as he gives me what I want.
However, I will conduct myself with civility and tact tomorrow. I can't forget that, for all of my personal misgivings about this guy, he still has the ability to set me up in a job that I will love, and where I can do some good. I am trying to make myself see it from that point of view -- you know, instead of the point of view that makes me want to throw a tantrum.
Happier news: Financial Aid checks came today, and I paid off the balance on my credit card, and bought the Complete LOST series on DVD. It came with really cool packaging! Todd and I are going to do a series re-watch. You know, after I finish watching Life S2, House S6, and Band of Brothers. PLUS. While I was home this weekend, the family and I went thrift-store-ing and I picked up, like, twelve books for less than ten bucks. I have so many things to read and watch, it makes me tingly.
I think the part of this whole business that's made me the angriest is that, even after the guy stood me up (and was very flippant about his apology via voicemail message), I am still expected to kowtow to him. Because he has something that I want. I must, in the words of my father, "beg and scrape," because this particular individual has the potential to keep me gainfully employed for the next year. That does not sit right with me. Not the gainful employment part -- I quite like that -- but the fact that I have to swallow my hurt and disappointment and go to this guy again, like I owe him something, like I'm the culpable one -- it makes me sick to my stomach. That's tonight. Tomorrow, I might be singing a different tune. It's just that, it goes against every fiber of my being to be told that I have to lie down like this. Like the morality of the situation doesn't matter, just as long as he gives me what I want.
However, I will conduct myself with civility and tact tomorrow. I can't forget that, for all of my personal misgivings about this guy, he still has the ability to set me up in a job that I will love, and where I can do some good. I am trying to make myself see it from that point of view -- you know, instead of the point of view that makes me want to throw a tantrum.
Happier news: Financial Aid checks came today, and I paid off the balance on my credit card, and bought the Complete LOST series on DVD. It came with really cool packaging! Todd and I are going to do a series re-watch. You know, after I finish watching Life S2, House S6, and Band of Brothers. PLUS. While I was home this weekend, the family and I went thrift-store-ing and I picked up, like, twelve books for less than ten bucks. I have so many things to read and watch, it makes me tingly.
