"Times Square audiences, please don't shout at the screen."

You guys, I bought so much unnecessary stuff today. That's what happens when I go to Barnes & Noble by myself: it's like taking Star Jones to a Sizzler and expecting her not to stuff pieces of carrot cake into her purse for later. I dropped $150 inside of thirty minutes. I bought the Band Of Brothers DVD set (rationalizing the purchase by calling it "research" for my Master's thesis, which, pfft!, am I right?); Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (I didn't have to rationalize that one to myself); The Great Escape (STEVE MCQUEEEEEEN!); Wit (EMMA THOMPPPPPSON AND CAAAANCER!); To Catch A Thief (a purchase based entirely on this promotional photo); and Wonder Boys (because, someday, I too hope to be able to walk around in a drafty old house in a natty bathrobe, smoking pot and working on a 10,000 page novel that I'll never finish; sometimes I'll go out for drinks with my sexually ambiguous editor; sometimes I'll sleep with the dean of the small East Coast college where I teach -- I have elaborate fantasies for my future.)

I meant to do so much more with my day than buy DVDs. Although, maybe I should be grateful that I still have the free time to do so; maybe in six months -- or, hell, six years -- I'll look back on May 31st, 2008 and call it the "height of my halcyon days" or something equally as pretentious. I hope I'm wearing a pair of pince-nez spectacles at the time. Because pince-nez spectacles are bad ass.

Todd and I are going to lunch/breakfast at 1:30 tomorrow. Is it considered bad form to ask for the breakfast menu at 1:30 in the afternoon? I've been told that it depends on the eatery. I don't know why places refuse to serve breakfast past a certain point in the morning. I know for a fact that I would make a staple diet out of Egg McMuffins if I could. Maybe, when I get famous enough, I'll buy my own plane and just spend my days hopping from one time zone to another, buying Egg McMuffins before the breakfast/lunch change-over. Like I said, elaborate fantasies.

Also. It is impossible to make me interested in anything that Sarah Jessica Parker does.

Who shave'a da' Pope'a?

I've got a version of "Heroes" by David Bowie that lasts for 37 minutes. I don't know if that's my iTunes jacking around with the timestamp, or if the old bastard really can belt it out for, like, long enough for someone to watch two full episodes of Two and a Half Men. (Which nobody should ever do, by the way.) My point? I'd pretty much sell some of my ova for the chance to see David Bowie in concert.

I talk about selling my ova a lot. I'm sure there's some baby-hungry couple out there looking to swap some concert tickets in exchange for my genetic muster. And, I mean, really -- who wouldn't? I kid, I kid. (Or, rather, you do, if you have tour tickets.)




-- Clearly, nothing important happened today.